A hard man is good to find.
— Mae West

A lady barber who made good.
— Mae West, on Delilah

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
— Mae West

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.
— Mae West

A man in love is like a clipped coupon — it's time to cash in.
— Mae West

A man in the house is worth two in the street.
— Mae West

A man's kiss is his signature.
— Mae West

A woman is like a teabag, you never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
— Mae West

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
— Mae West

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
— Mae West

Man: Are you in town for good?
Mae West: I expect to be here, but not for good.
— Mae West, Belle of the Nineties

Between two evils I always pick the one I never tried before.
— Mae West, Klondike Annie

Woman: Chemistry's a wonderful thing.
Mae West: I'll say it is, but I know a couple of druggists that never made a dime 'til Prohibition.
— Mae West, Night After Night

Woman: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Mae West: I don't know but it saves an awful lot of time.
— Mae West, Night After Night

Man: Do you mind if I get personal?
Mae West: Go right ahead. I don't mind if you get familiar.

— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

Don't let a man put anything over on ya 'cept an umbrella.
— Mae West, Belle of the Nineties

Don't marry a man to reform him — that's what reform schools are for.
— Mae West

Everything's in the mind. That's where it all starts. Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it.
— Mae West

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
— Mae West

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
— Mae West

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
— Mae West

Woman: Goodness, what beatiful diamonds!
Mae West: Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.
— Mae West, Night After Night

Cary Grant: Haven't you ever met a man who could make you happy?
Mae West: Sure, lots of times.
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

Handle it with care. It's only my heart.
— Mae West, as man looks at her diamond necklace, in She Done Him Wrong

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
— Mae West

He who hesitates is last.
— Mae West

He's so crooked he uses a corkscrew for a ruler.
— Mae West

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
— Mae West

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
— Mae West

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.
— Mae West

Man: I don't suppose you believe in marriage, do you?
Mae West: Only as a last resort. Ah, what do you do for a living?
Man: Sort of a politician.
Mae West: I don't like work either.
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time.
— Mae West, from her nightclub act

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
— Mae West

I go for two kinds of men. The kind with muscles, and the kind without.
— Mae West

I have been on more laps than a napkin.
— Mae West

I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.
— Mae West

I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
— Mae West

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
— Mae West

I only have "yes" men around me. Who needs "no" men?
— Mae West

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.
— Mae West

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
— Mae West

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
— Mae West

If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.
— Mae West

Man: I'll look after the cattle and the men for you.
Mae West: Just the cattle ... I'll take care of the men.
— Mae West, Goin' To Town

I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.
— Mae West

Man: I'm crazy about you.
Mae West: I did my best to make you that way.
Man: What are you thinking about?
Mae West: Same thing you are.
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

Man: I'm rich. I'll give you my ranch. Everything I own.
Mae West: You certainly make it sound attractive.
[Preparing to roll dice]
Mae West: Get this straight, if I win, I don't marry you ... I get that strip of land on the delta.
Man: And if you lose you marry me.
Mae West: Yes, and I get everything you got.
— Mae West, Goin' To Town

I'm the lady who works at Paramount all day, and Fox all night.
— Mae West

Is that a gun in your pocket? Or are you just glad to see me!
— Mae West

It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.
— Mae West

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
— Mae West

It takes two to get one in trouble.
— Mae West

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
— Mae West

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.
— Mae West

It's not what I do, but the way I do it. It's not what I say, but the way I say it.
— Mae West

Keep a diary and one day it'll keep you.
— Mae West

Judge: Let me remind you to look out for crooks.
Mae West: Let the crooks look out for themselves.
— Mae West, Goin' To Town

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
— Mae West

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
— Mae West

Men are my life, diamonds are my career!
— Mae West

Judge: Miss West, are you trying to show contempt for this court?
Mae West: On the contrary, your Honor, I was doin' my best to conceal it.
— Mae West, during a trial in which she was accused of indecency on stage

More people saw me than saw Napoleon, Lincoln and Cleopatra. I was better known than Einstein and Picasso. ... I changed the fashion of two continents. The style of the Gay Nineties became the rage ... women were trying to walk and talk like me. Women became more sex-conscious — sex was out in the open and fun.
— Mae West, Goodness Had Nothing To Do With It

Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.
— Mae West

Right now I think censorship is necessary; the things they're doing and saying in films right now just shouldn't be allowed. There's no dignity anymore and I think that's very important.
— Mae West

Sex is an emotion in motion.
— Mae West

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
— Mae West

So many men, so little time.
— Mae West

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
— Mae West

Serge the Russian: The men of my country go wild about women with yellow hair.
Mae West: I'm glad you told me. I wanna keep straight on my geography.
Serge the Russian: You were made for love and love only. Surely you have enough diamonds.
Mae West: Diamonds is my career.
Serge the Russian: I swear I shall die to make you happy.
Mae West: You wouldn't be of much USE to me dead.
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.
— Mae West

They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.
— Mae West

Cary Grant slaps cuffs on her.
Mae West: Those absolutely necessary? You know, I wasn't born with them.
Cary Grant: All those men would have been a lot safer if you had.
Mae West: I don't know ... hands ain't everything.
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
— Mae West

To err is human — but it feels divine!
— Mae West

Too much of a good thing can be taxing.
— Mae West

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
— Mae West

Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office.
— Mae West

Mae West: We're intellectual opposites.
Ivan: What do you mean?
Mae West: I'm intellectual and your opposite.
Ivan: I'm an aristocrat, and the backbone of my family.
Mae West: Your family ought to see a chiropractor.
— Mae West, Goin' To Town

When a girl goes wrong — men go right after her.
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
— Mae West, Klondike Annie

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
— Mae West, I'm No Angel

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.
— Mae West

When women go wrong, men go right after them.
— Mae West

Why don't you come up and have a little ... scotch and sofa?
— Mae West

Why don't you come up and see me sometime?
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

Women are as old as they feel and men are old when they lose their feelings.
— Mae West

Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself.
— Mae West

Ya know it was a toss-up whether I go in for diamonds or sing in the choir. The choir lost.
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

Man: You ain't scared of me 'cause they say I'm a bad man?
Mae West: I'm a good woman for a bad man.
— Mae West, Goin' To Town

Cary Grant: You bad girl ...
Mae West: You'll find out ...
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.
— Mae West

Mae West: You never heard of me cheatin' anyone, have ya?
Landlord: No, not about money.
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
— Mae West

You're never too old to become younger.
— Mae West

Man: You're the kind of woman I've dreamed about ... always desired. I'm wild about you.
Mae West: Some of the wildest men make the best pets.
— Mae West, Belle of the Nineties

Man: You've been awfully kind ... I'll never forget you.
Mae West: No one ever does.
— Mae West, She Done Him Wrong